Use emotional detachment, not anger, when dealing with your adjuster.
The Surgeon’s Calm, Not the Patient’s Panic
Imagine a surgeon operating to remove a dangerous tumor. They must be calm, precise, and emotionally detached to be effective. If they got angry at the disease, their hands would shake, and they would make mistakes. You are the surgeon of your own claim. Your anger, while justified, is a poison that clouds your judgment. By approaching each interaction with calm, professional detachment, you keep your hands steady, make smarter decisions, and are far more likely to successfully remove the problem and get the resolution you need.
Stop thinking of it as a personal attack. Do treat it as a business negotiation, instead.
A Chess Match, Not a Fistfight
When an insurance company denies or delays your claim, it feels like a deeply personal attack. But it’s not. You are not in a fistfight; you are in a chess match. The adjuster is not your enemy; they are your opponent, making strategic moves based on a rulebook (your policy). By viewing it as a game of strategy, not a personal insult, you can remove the emotion, analyze their moves, and plan your counter-moves with a clear, logical mind. The goal is not to get revenge; it’s to win the game.
Stop letting them wear you down. Do take breaks and practice self-care during the claims process, instead.
The Long-Distance Swimmer Must Come Ashore to Rest
The claims process is like trying to swim across a vast, cold ocean. If you try to do it all in one go, you will become exhausted and drown. Even the strongest swimmers must come ashore to rest, eat, and regain their strength. Taking a weekend completely off from your claim, spending time with family, or enjoying a hobby is not a sign of weakness. It is the essential self-care you need to refuel so you have the energy to get back in the water and finish the journey.
The #1 secret to surviving the claims process is to have a strong support system.
The Mountain Climber’s Rope Team
No one climbs a dangerous mountain alone. They are tied together as a rope team. When one climber slips, the others are there to hold the line, offer encouragement, and help them find their footing. Your support system—your family, friends, and professionals—is your rope team during the treacherous climb of an insurance claim. Leaning on them when you feel like you’re about to fall is not a burden; it is the only way to ensure you all make it to the summit together.
I’m just going to say it: The claims process is intentionally designed to be stressful and confusing to make you give up.
The Obstacle Course Built to Make You Quit
The insurance claims process is not a clear, straight path. It is an obstacle course that has been deliberately designed by the insurance company to test your endurance. The confusing paperwork, the endless delays, and the frustrating phone calls are the mud pits and high walls. They are not accidental; they are a strategy. The company knows that with each difficult obstacle, a certain number of people will simply give up and walk away, saving them millions. Their goal is to win by your exhaustion.
The reason you’re so frustrated is because your expectation of a helping hand is meeting the reality of a corporate opponent.
The Neighbor vs. the Professional Wrestler
Based on the commercials, you expect a friendly neighbor to show up with a casserole and a helping hand after your disaster. The reality is that the person who arrives is a professional wrestler in a suit, and their job is to arm-wrestle you for every dollar. The immense frustration you feel is the shock of this bait-and-switch. By understanding that you are not dealing with a neighbor but with a trained corporate opponent, you can mentally prepare for a wrestling match, not a friendly chat.
If you’re still being overly emotional on the phone, you’re losing your credibility and leverage.
The Poker Player With a Terrible “Tell”
An insurance negotiation is a high-stakes poker game. An adjuster is trained to read your “tells”—the signals that reveal the strength of your hand. When you get angry or cry on the phone, you are revealing a huge tell. It signals to them that you are stressed, desperate, and likely to fold your hand for a lowball offer just to make the pain stop. A calm, professional tone, however, is the ultimate poker face. It tells them you are a strong player who is not easily bluffed.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that your loyalty will be rewarded with compassion.
The Vending Machine Doesn’t Know Your Name
You believe that your 20 years of loyal premium payments have earned you a special status. This is a fantasy. Your insurance company is a giant, unfeeling vending machine. For 20 years, you have faithfully put your money in. Now that you are pushing the button to get the product you paid for, the machine does not know or care who you are. It is a cold, mechanical transaction. Your loyalty is not a factor in its programming, and it will not dispense any extra compassion.
I wish I knew how to separate my emotional recovery from my financial recovery when I had my first major claim.
Rebuilding the House vs. Rebuilding the Home
After a fire, you have two separate rebuilding projects. The first is the financial recovery: negotiating with the insurer to get the money to rebuild the physical house of bricks and wood. The second is the emotional recovery: rebuilding your family’s sense of safety and “home.” These two projects happen on completely different timelines and require different tools. Don’t let the frustrating, slow pace of rebuilding the house stop you from starting the immediate, more important work of rebuilding your home.
99% of claimants make this one mistake: they let the stress of the claim negatively impact their health.
Driving on a Flat Tire Will Wreck the Whole Car
The stress of a claim is like a slow leak in one of your tires. If you ignore it and just keep driving, that one flat tire will eventually cause you to lose control and wreck the entire car. The headaches, the sleepless nights, and the anxiety are the warning signs of that flat tire. You must pull over and take care of the problem—through exercise, therapy, or taking a break—because sacrificing your own health is the surest way to lose the energy you need to finish the journey.
Use patience as your greatest weapon, not letting their delays rush you into a bad decision.
The Relentless River, Not the Raging Fire
A raging fire is powerful, but it burns out quickly. A river is patient. It applies slow, steady, relentless pressure, and over time it can carve a canyon through solid rock. The insurer’s delays are designed to make you panic and act like a fire, burning out and accepting a bad deal. You must be the river. Your calm, documented, persistent follow-up, week after week, will wear down their defenses in a way that a single, angry outburst never can.
Stop taking the adjuster’s behavior personally. Do remember they are just an employee following a script, instead.
The Actor on the Stage, Not the Author of the Play
The adjuster who is being difficult with you is like an actor on a stage. They may seem like the villain, but they did not write the play. They are reading lines from a script and following the directions given to them by their director—the insurance company. Their behavior is not a personal attack on you; it is a reflection of the corporate playbook they are required to follow. Getting angry at the actor is a waste of energy; you must focus on the play itself.
Stop feeling guilty about making a claim. Do remember you paid for this protection, instead.
You Are Withdrawing Your Own Money from the Bank
Making a claim can sometimes feel like you are asking for a handout or a favor. This is completely wrong. You have been dutifully paying your premiums for years. This is your money. You have been depositing it into a special, protected savings account for this exact type of emergency. Filing a claim is not asking for charity; it is walking into your own bank, going up to the teller, and making a legitimate withdrawal from the account you own.
The #1 hack for maintaining your sanity is to hire a professional (public adjuster or attorney) to be the bad guy for you.
Hiring a Bodyguard to Take the Punches
Fighting with an insurance company is an emotionally draining street fight. The #1 way to protect yourself is to hire a professional bodyguard. A public adjuster or an attorney is that bodyguard. They step in front of you and take all the punches. They make the angry phone calls, they write the demanding letters, and they absorb the stress of the conflict. This allows you to step back, focus on your family and your recovery, and let your hired champion win the fight for you.
I’m just going to say it: It’s okay to feel angry and betrayed by your insurance company.
The Trusted Mechanic Who Deliberately Broke Your Car
For years, you trusted your insurance company. You paid them faithfully, believing they were the good neighbor who would be there for you. When they deny or delay your claim, it’s not just a business dispute; it is a profound betrayal. It’s like finding out your trusted mechanic has been deliberately breaking your car to charge you for more repairs. That feeling of anger and betrayal is not an overreaction; it is a completely normal and justified response to a broken promise.
The reason you’re feeling powerless is because you’re operating in their system; create your own system of documentation and follow-up.
Playing on Their Home Field vs. a Neutral Field
As long as you are just reacting to the adjuster’s calls and requests, you are playing an away game on their home field, by their rules. You will feel powerless. To take back control, you must move the game to a neutral field. This is your own system. Your organized binder, your detailed spreadsheet, and your proactive, scheduled follow-up emails create a new arena where you are in control of the information and the timeline. Don’t play their game; make them play yours.
If you’re still not celebrating small wins, you’re losing the motivation to continue the fight.
The Base Camps on the Way to the Summit of Everest
Climbing Mount Everest is a long, grueling expedition. No one does it in a single push. Climbers establish a series of base camps along the way, and reaching each one is a major victory to be celebrated. In your claim, getting the insurer to accept a single contractor’s estimate or winning a small supplemental payment is a base camp. You must pause and celebrate these small wins. They are the crucial moments of rest and motivation that provide the fuel for the next, difficult leg of the climb.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that the process will be quick.
The Slow Cargo Ship, Not the Speedboat
The insurance commercials show a five-minute phone call and a check arriving the next day. This makes you believe the claims process is a speedboat, a fast and exciting ride across a lake. The reality is that it is a giant, slow-moving cargo ship, making a long and difficult journey across a vast ocean. Expecting a speedboat and getting a cargo ship is a recipe for immense frustration. By mentally preparing for a long, slow voyage from the start, you can pace yourself for the journey.
I wish I knew about support groups for people who have been through a catastrophic loss.
The Harbor Full of Ships with the Same Damage
After your home is destroyed in a fire or a hurricane, you feel like you are the only ship in the world that has been hit by this terrible storm. You feel isolated and alone. A support group, online or in person, is the safe harbor where you discover hundreds of other ships with the exact same damage. The people in these groups are the only ones who truly understand the unique terror and frustration you are going through. They are your fellow veterans of the same war.
99% of people make this one mistake: they let the insurance company control their emotional state.
Don’t Give Them the Remote Control to Your Thermostat
Your emotional state is like the thermostat in your house. When you let the adjuster’s rude email or slow response make you angry or anxious, you have handed them the remote control to your own thermostat. They can now turn your temperature up or down at will, keeping you off-balance and stressed. You must take back the remote. You must decide that your emotional state will be determined by your own actions and your own perspective, not by the deliberate tactics of your opponent.
Use a mantra to stay calm, not letting the adjuster’s words trigger an emotional response.
The Shield That Deflects the Poisoned Darts
The adjuster will say things that are designed to be poisoned darts, meant to trigger an emotional reaction of anger or fear. A mantra is your personal shield. It can be a simple phrase you repeat in your head, like “This is a business transaction” or “I will remain calm and professional.” The moment you hear the trigger word, you raise your mental shield. The dart bounces off, your emotional response is blocked, and you are able to respond with a clear, logical mind.
Stop isolating yourself. Do talk to friends, family, or a therapist about the stress you’re under, instead.
One Pillar Cannot Hold Up a Collapsing Roof
Trying to bear the immense stress of a catastrophic loss and an insurance fight all by yourself is like a single, stone pillar trying to hold up the weight of a collapsing roof. It is a noble effort, but it is doomed to fail. Your friends, your family, and a professional therapist are the other pillars and support beams that are waiting to help you. Reaching out and sharing the load is not a sign of weakness; it is the only way to keep the entire structure from crashing down.
Stop focusing on what you’ve lost. Do focus on the next logical step to move your claim forward, instead.
The Rearview Mirror vs. the Windshield
After a terrible car crash, it is natural to want to stare into the rearview mirror at the twisted metal and wreckage behind you. But to get home, you must turn your attention to the windshield and focus on the road ahead. Constantly thinking about what you have lost is staring at the crash. The only way to move forward is to ask yourself, “What is the one, next, logical step I can take to move my claim one inch closer to the finish line?”
The #1 secret to a better mindset is to view your claim as a marathon, not a sprint.
The Race of Pacing, Not the Race of Speed
A sprinter explodes out of the blocks, burns all of their energy in ten seconds, and then collapses. A marathon runner starts slow, conserves their energy, and paces themselves for a long, 26.2-mile journey. An insurance claim is a marathon. If you treat it like a sprint, you will be emotionally and physically exhausted by the end of the first mile. By adopting the mindset of a marathoner, you can settle in, find a sustainable pace, and ensure you have the energy to cross the finish line.
I’m just going to say it: The psychological games the insurance company plays are a deliberate tactic.
The Magician’s Misdirection
The adjuster’s sudden shift from friendly to aggressive, the unexplained delays, the confusing requests—these are not random acts. They are a form of psychological warfare. It is the magician’s art of misdirection. They are deliberately trying to make you frustrated, confused, and focused on the emotional drama of the situation. This is so you won’t have the energy to focus on the more important things, like the facts of your claim and the language of your policy. Don’t watch the magician’s hands; watch the ball.
The reason you’re exhausted is because you’re trying to do everything yourself.
The CEO Who Tries to Also Be the Janitor
Imagine the CEO of a company also trying to be the lawyer, the accountant, and the janitor. They would be utterly exhausted and do a terrible job at everything. In your claim, you are the CEO. You must delegate. Hire a public adjuster to be your lawyer. Hire a good contractor to be your builder. Let your spouse handle the expense tracking. Trying to do every single job yourself is a recipe for burnout. A smart CEO knows how to build a team.
If you’re still letting the claim consume your entire life, you’re losing your perspective and well-being.
The Single Cloud That Blocks the Entire Sun
A claim can feel like a giant, dark storm cloud that follows you everywhere and blocks out the entire sun. It can consume your thoughts at work, at home, and in your sleep. You must remember that the rest of the sky is still there. You must deliberately create “no-claim zones” in your day—an hour to play with your kids, a dinner with your spouse where the claim is not mentioned—to let the sunshine back in. Don’t let a single cloud become your entire sky.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that you’re being “difficult” for asking questions.
The Mechanic Who Calls You “Difficult” for Wanting to See the Bill
Imagine you take your car to a mechanic, and they tell you the repair will cost $5,000. When you ask to see an itemized bill, they get angry and call you “difficult.” You would immediately know they are trying to rip you off. It’s the same with an adjuster. You have a right to understand your policy and question their estimate. The moment they label you as “difficult” for asking for basic information, you know it is a tactic to intimidate you into silence.
I wish I knew that it was normal to feel overwhelmed and confused by the process.
The First Day in a Country Where You Don’t Speak the Language
Imagine being dropped in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language, don’t know the customs, and don’t have a map. You would feel completely overwhelmed and confused. That is a perfectly normal reaction. An insurance claim is that foreign country. It has its own language, its own rules, and its own bizarre customs. Feeling lost at the beginning is not a sign that you are failing; it is a normal and expected part of the journey.
This one small action of setting aside a specific time each day to deal with the claim will change your mental health for the better.
Building a Fence Around the Monster
An insurance claim is like a monster that will try to devour every minute of your day. The only way to control it is to build a strong fence around it. Set aside a specific time, from 1:00 to 2:00 PM every day, to be your “claim time.” Inside that fence, you are a focused warrior. But the moment that hour is over, you lock the gate and walk away. This one small action contains the monster, stops it from consuming your entire life, and gives you back your peace of mind.
Use stoicism to accept what you can’t control, not getting upset over every delay.
The Sailor Who Cannot Control the Wind, but Can Adjust the Sails
A wise sailor knows they cannot control the wind or the waves. Getting angry at the storm is a waste of energy. They can only control one thing: how they adjust their sails. In your claim, you cannot control the adjuster’s delays or the company’s internal bureaucracy. That is the wind. Getting upset about it is pointless. You can only control your own actions: your calm persistence, your meticulous documentation, and your patient follow-up. Adjust your sails, and you will eventually reach your destination.
Stop being intimidated. Do remember that you are the customer and they are the service provider, instead.
The Restaurant That Is Serving You a Bad Meal
The insurance company’s size and confusing language can be incredibly intimidating. But you must reframe the relationship. You are not a beggar asking for a handout. You are the customer in a restaurant who has already paid for a very expensive meal. They have just served you a terrible dish that is not what you ordered. You have every right to calmly and firmly send it back to the kitchen and demand that they provide you with the product you paid for.
Stop expecting fairness. Do fight for what you are owed under the contract, instead.
The Vending Machine Knows the Contract, Not Justice
You put your money into a vending machine and press the button for a soda. A bag of chips comes out instead. You would not stand there and argue with the machine about what is “fair” or “right.” It’s a machine. You would point to the contract: “I pushed the button for the soda.” An insurance company is that vending machine. The appeal process is not a debate about fairness. It is a business dispute where you must point to the specific language in the contract and demand what you are owed.
The #1 hack for staying positive is to create a visual timeline of your progress.
The Map That Shows How Far You’ve Come
During a long, cross-country road trip, it can be demoralizing to only think about the thousands of miles you still have to go. A visual timeline of your claim is the map that shows you how far you have already come. By putting pins on the map for every small victory—”Submitted Inventory,” “First Check Received,” “Hired Contractor”—you create a powerful visual record of your progress. This shifts your focus from the long road ahead to the incredible distance you have already traveled.
I’m just going to say it: You will have moments where you want to give up. Don’t.
The Marathon Runner Who Hits “The Wall”
Every single person who runs a marathon hits a point, around mile 20, that is known as “the wall.” It is a moment of absolute physical and emotional exhaustion where every muscle is screaming for you to stop. It feels impossible to continue. But the runners who finish are the ones who know the wall is coming, and they find a way to push through it. In your claim, you will hit this wall. It is the moment of greatest despair, and it is the moment you must find the strength to take one more step.
The reason you feel disrespected is because the system is designed to be impersonal and adversarial.
The ATM That Does Not Care About Your Day
You feel disrespected because you are a human being who has suffered a tragedy, but you are being treated like a number. The system is not designed for compassion; it is designed for corporate efficiency. You are interacting with a giant, impersonal machine. It’s like trying to get empathy from an ATM. It’s not that the machine is personally disrespecting you; it’s that it is incapable of doing anything other than following its cold, hard programming.
If you’re still not taking time for your hobbies and interests, you’re letting the claim steal your joy.
The Single Weed That Is Choking Out Your Entire Garden
A claim is like a fast-growing, aggressive weed. If you are not careful, it will spread and choke out all the beautiful flowers in the garden of your life. You must be a diligent gardener. You must deliberately carve out and protect the space for your joy—the hobbies, the friendships, the simple moments that make you happy. If you let the claim take over the entire garden, you will be left with nothing but a patch of dirt.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that you’re the only one this has ever happened to.
The Hidden Storm That Hits Thousands of Ships
The insurance company’s process is designed to make you feel isolated, alone, and powerless. It feels like you are the only ship that has ever been caught in this terrible, hidden storm. This is a lie. This exact same storm is hitting thousands of other people at this very moment. By going online and finding the forums and support groups for policyholders, you will discover you are not a single, isolated ship; you are part of a massive fleet, and there is strength in those numbers.
I wish I knew how to compartmentalize the claim from the rest of my life.
The “Claim Room” in the House of Your Mind
You need to build a special room inside your mind just for the claim. When it’s time to work on the claim, you go into that room, you close the door, and you focus completely on the task. But when you are done, you must walk out, and you must firmly shut and lock the door behind you. You cannot let the claim’s dust and noise spread to the other rooms of your life where you eat, sleep, and play with your family.
99% of people make this one mistake: they let the adjuster’s tone dictate their own.
The Thermostat, Not the Thermometer
A thermometer is a passive instrument; it simply reflects the temperature of the room it is in. If the room is hot, it gets hot. A thermostat is a tool of control; it sets the temperature of the room, and the furnace must adjust accordingly. When you let the adjuster’s angry or condescending tone make you angry, you are acting as a thermometer. You must be the thermostat. You must set the tone of the interaction to be calm and professional, and force them to adjust to you.
Use a journal to vent your frustrations, not your emails to the insurance company.
The Pressure Release Valve for Your Emotional Engine
Your anger and frustration are like a massive buildup of steam inside an engine. If you don’t have a way to release it safely, the engine will explode. A private journal is your pressure release valve. You can write down all the angry, emotional, and unfiltered thoughts that you are feeling. This safely vents the pressure. Your emails to the adjuster, on the other hand, must be the cool, calm, and logical output of the engine after the pressure has been released.
Stop feeling rushed. Do take the time you need to make good decisions, not ones based on pressure, instead.
The Bomb Disposal Expert Never Rushes
The claims process can feel like a ticking bomb. The adjuster might pressure you to make a quick decision on a settlement or a contractor. This is a deliberate tactic. You must act like a bomb disposal expert. They know that the single most dangerous thing they can do is rush. Every decision must be slow, deliberate, and based on careful consideration, not on the artificial pressure of a clock. You have the right to cut the wire when you are ready, and not a second sooner.
Stop blaming yourself for the loss. Do focus your energy on the recovery, instead.
The Lightning Strike Is Not Your Fault
When a disaster happens, it is easy to fall into a spiral of “what ifs” and “if onlys.” But a fire, a storm, or a sudden accident is like a bolt of lightning. It is a random, chaotic event that is not your fault. Wasting your precious energy blaming yourself for the lightning strike is pointless. The storm has passed. Now, all of your energy must be focused not on the wreckage behind you, but on the massive task of rebuilding.
The #1 secret to resilience is to remember your “why” – your family, your home, your business.
The North Star for a Lost Sailor
When you are lost in the middle of a dark, stormy sea, it is easy to lose all hope. The #1 secret to survival is to find your North Star. This is the one, fixed, brilliant point of light that you can always look to that will guide you home. In your claim, your “why”—the safety of your family, the comfort of your home, the survival of your business—is that North Star. When you feel lost in the darkness, look up, find your star, and keep sailing.
I’m just going to say it: The emotional toll of fighting your insurer can be worse than the financial loss.
The Invisible Injury That Doesn’t Heal
A financial loss is like a broken bone. It’s painful and difficult, but it can be set, and it will eventually heal. The emotional toll of a bad faith insurance battle is a deep, internal injury. The betrayal, the stress, and the constant fighting can leave a psychological scar that lasts for years after the money has been sorted out. This invisible injury is often the most significant and damaging part of the entire ordeal, and it must be taken just as seriously as the financial loss.
The reason you feel stuck is because you’re looking at the whole mountain; focus on the next step in front of you.
Climbing a Staircase One Step at a Time
The claims process can look like a giant, impossibly tall mountain. If you stand at the bottom and stare at the summit, you will be paralyzed by how far you have to go. You will feel stuck. The only way to climb a mountain is to stop looking at the top and focus all of your attention on the single, next step in front of your foot. By breaking the impossible journey down into a series of small, achievable steps, you will eventually find yourself standing at the top.
If you’re still checking your email for an update every five minutes, you’re giving away your peace of mind.
Stop Poking the Plant to See if It’s Growing
Waiting for a response from your adjuster is like waiting for a newly planted seed to sprout. If you go out into the garden every five minutes and poke at the dirt to see if it’s growing, you will not only drive yourself crazy, but you will disturb the soil and prevent the plant from ever taking root. You must have faith in the process. Check on it once a day, and then walk away and let it grow. Your constant anxiety will not make the email arrive any faster.
The biggest lie you’ve been told is that this stress is just a normal part of life.
The Blaring Fire Alarm in Your House
The constant, high-level stress of a major claim is not “normal.” It is a blaring fire alarm. An alarm is not something you should get used to; it is a loud, obnoxious signal that something is dangerously wrong and needs to be fixed immediately. This level of anxiety is a sign that your body is in a state of emergency. You must treat it as such and take serious, deliberate action to address the source of the fire.
I wish I knew that asking for help was a sign of strength, not weakness.
The Smart General Who Calls for Reinforcements
Imagine a general on a battlefield who is outnumbered and outgunned. The weak, prideful general will refuse to ask for help and will lead his army to a guaranteed slaughter. The strong, wise general will immediately recognize his situation and call for reinforcements. In your claim, you are that general. Asking for help—from a lawyer, from a therapist, from your friends—is not a sign that you are failing. It is the smartest, most strategic move you can make to ensure you win the war.
This one small action of writing down one thing you are grateful for each day will change your perspective on the entire ordeal.
The Single Flower in a Field of Ash
After a devastating fire, the entire landscape can look like a hopeless field of black ash. But if you look closely, you might find a single, tiny flower that has survived. Actively looking for and writing down one small thing you are grateful for each day is the act of finding that flower. It might be the safety of your family or the kindness of a neighbor. This simple act is a powerful reminder that even in the midst of the devastation, life, hope, and beauty still exist.